ADHD and the Inner Storm – My Coming Out, My Life, My Strength
Your Dragon, Your Storm
Having ADHD is like trying to ride an untamed dragon—or as I call mine, “Elvira.” She’s wild, impulsive, and endlessly energetic. She lifts me to incredible heights, but sometimes she drops me just as quickly, leaving a trail of chaos behind. But here’s the secret: when I stop fighting Elvira and start embracing her, the chaos turns into an adventure.
This blog post is an honest look at my life with ADHD—from the challenges and unexpected highs to the moments when Elvira completely knocked me off course. It’s not a perfect picture, but it’s a real one. And I hope you find something in it that inspires you and shows you: you are not alone.
The Diagnosis: The Beginning of a Long Journey
I was 15 when I sat in a child and adolescent psychiatric office, and a doctor told me I had ADHD. Back then, it wasn’t the relief it might be for some today. ADHD was poorly understood and often dismissed as “the fidgety kid syndrome.” For me, the diagnosis was an explanation, but not a solution. It felt more like a label than a guide.
The medication I was prescribed at the time helped—sort of. But by the time I turned 19 or 20, it was stopped altogether. The insurance company refused to continue the treatment because ADHD was seen as a “childhood disorder.” People believed you’d “grow out of it.” What no one understood was that ADHD doesn’t just fade away. It’s not like a rash that disappears—it stays. Elvira stayed. And without medication or proper support, I was left to navigate life on my own.
It wasn’t until 2014, thanks to a thoughtful doctor who took my symptoms seriously, that I began medication again. This time, the package said “Adult” on it. It was a bittersweet realization: How much easier would my path have been if this understanding had been available earlier?
The Breakfast Dilemma: When Chaos Is Your Everyday
A typical morning for me is anything but typical. Need an example? I head to the kitchen to grab some cereal. On the way, I remember I need to find my keys. I find them but then decide to organize a kitchen drawer instead. The apple I originally grabbed for breakfast somehow ends up forgotten on the counter. Suddenly, I’m sitting at the table, still hungry, with no real idea how I got there.
This breakfast dilemma is more than just a funny anecdote. It’s a glimpse into how ADHD shapes my day-to-day life. It’s not laziness or lack of discipline—it’s Elvira constantly pulling me in different directions. And yes, there are times when I can’t tame the chaos. But I’ve learned that messing up is part of the process, and that’s okay.
ADHD Is More Than Chaos: The Power of Hyperfocus
Living with ADHD also brings moments of harmony with Elvira, like when I tap into hyperfocus. In this state, I can dive so deeply into a task that I lose all sense of time and space. Hours fly by, and I achieve a level of productivity I never thought possible.
For example, when writing blog posts like this one, I immerse myself completely in the flow of words. It feels like painting a picture with each sentence. But, like everything with ADHD, hyperfocus has its downside. While I’m consumed by one task, everything else—bills, meals, even relationships—falls to the wayside. The key is learning to steer this focus intentionally, even when it’s challenging.
The Machine Mode: Strength and Strain as a Firefighter
As a firefighter, ADHD manifests in another unique way: the machine mode. When the alarm goes off, my brain shifts into high gear. Everything becomes clear, precise, and focused. In those moments, Elvira works with me, sharpening my reactions and speeding up my decisions.
But the cost of this mode is high. After an emergency, when the adrenaline wears off, I crash. The exhaustion is overwhelming, and it feels like Elvira has drained every ounce of energy I have. These are the times when I turn to nature for solace—a walk in the woods or the calm of a lakeside moment.
Medication Breaks: A Double-Edged Sword
There were times when I had to live without medication, and I won’t sugarcoat it—it was tough. Medication isn’t a magic fix, but it brings structure where there is none. For a while, I had no choice, but today I take it regularly. I know it helps me, but I’m also mindful about it. Taking breaks from medication can sometimes be necessary to reassess how I’m managing—but it requires patience and careful planning.
Finding this balance isn’t easy. There are days when I fail, when Elvira takes over. But I’ve learned that failure isn’t the end—it’s part of the journey.
Elvira and Me: When ADHD Knocks You Off Course
Let me be honest: I don’t always have my ADHD under control. Elvira has thrown me off track more times than I can count—not because I wanted her to, but because it just happened. I’ve dropped projects because I lost focus. I’ve disappointed friends because I forgot important plans. But none of that makes me less valuable.
I want you to know this: No one is perfect. I’m not perfect. And that’s okay. Elvira teaches me that it’s not about avoiding mistakes—it’s about learning from them. She pushes me to keep getting back up and moving forward.
Nature: My Sanctuary and My Healing
When the storm in my head gets too loud, I find peace in nature. It’s my safe space, my place of healing. Whether it’s walking through the woods or sitting on a rock, feeling the wind on my face, nature helps calm Elvira.
One unforgettable moment was hiking on Donnersberg. Surrounded by ancient trees and rugged rocks, I felt grounded. It was as if nature understood me without me needing to say a word.
Practical Tips: How I Ride My Dragon
- Create routines: Plan your day in manageable steps. A clear structure helps tame the chaos.
- Harness the power of nature: Go outside, move, and take deep breaths.
- Steer hyperfocus: Set boundaries to ensure you don’t neglect other priorities.
- Accept mistakes: They’re part of life and an opportunity to grow.
- Seek support: Friends, family, and professionals can make a big difference.
A Call to Action: Embrace Your Dragon
ADHD isn’t an enemy. It’s a part of me, a part of you. It’s wild, unpredictable, and full of potential. Embrace your dragon, find your balance, and remember that you don’t need to be perfect to be valuable.
What Do You Think?
How do you handle your dragon? Share your story in the comments—together, we can learn and support each other!
